"When Your Loved One Dies Too Soon"

John 11:17-35
Dr. Anne M. Cameron
June 20, 2010
Lake Highlands Presbyterian Church

Third in a series, When Life Happens

On his arrival, Jesus found that Lazarus had already been in the tomb for four days.  Bethany was less than two miles from Jerusalem, and many Jews had come to Martha and Mary to comfort them in the loss of their brother.  When Martha heard that Jesus was coming, she went out to meet him, but Mary stayed at home.

"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died.  But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask."

Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."

Martha answered, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day."

Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life.  He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?"

"Yes, Lord," she told him, "I believe that you are the Christ,[b] the Son of God, who was to come into the world."

And after she had said this, she went back and called her sister Mary aside.  "The Teacher is here," she said, "and is asking for you."  When Mary heard this, she got up quickly and went to him. Now Jesus had not yet entered the village, but was still at the place where Martha had met him.  When the Jews who had been with Mary in the house, comforting her, noticed how quickly she got up and went out, they followed her, supposing she was going to the tomb to mourn there.

When Mary reached the place where Jesus was and saw him, she fell at his feet and said, "Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died."

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.  "Where have you laid him?"  he asked.
      "Come and see, Lord," they replied.  Jesus wept.

      It goes without saying that most of the time, when our loved ones die, no matter their age, we usually feel it is too soon.  Like Martha, like Mary, we feel it is not right.  Like them, we may feel God has abandoned us.

      Just a few days ago I was having a conversation with our daughter.  Somehow, the conversation turned to the topic of aging and death.  I told our daughter I hoped that her dad and I would live into our 80s, and that when we died, she and her brothers would accept it with grace.  Her response surprised me.  She said, "You can't die at 85!  You CAN'T!  85 is so young!"

      When death is near, when death is knocking at your door, it is always untimely---to you.

      During this series When Life Happens, we have considered the difficult seasons of life that affect us all:  aging, suffering, and untimely death.  What is meant by untimely death?  Our sense of what is untimely is culture-bound.

      Death and dying are not a part of our common conversation.  We can talk about just about anything, anywhere, even with people who are not close friends.  Except for death.  Losing a loved one is almost never discussed.  You might be surprised at how many people you know who lost children, siblings, or infants.  You may never have heard them speak of their loss.  We are in a death-denying culture and we dare not speak of such things.

      It is not always been so.  A hundred years ago, people died at much younger ages.  People died of tuberculosis, pneumonia and ailments that are now completely cured. One out of ten young women died in pregnancy or childbirth.  Infant mortality was ten times higher than it is today.  Many families lost multiple children.  In 1900, the average life expectancy in the U.S. was 49 years.  Our perspective of what is untimely has shifted, as medical technology has advanced to where today the average life expectancy is 78.  We have come to believe that anyone who dies before the age of 90 has an untimely death!

      Today when we consider losing a loved one "before their time," we are encouraged by the fact that this very thing happened to Jesus.  It is the situation Jesus encountered with his friend Lazarus.  Though the Bible does not tell us Lazarus' age, we sense death came early for Lazarus.  We imagine Lazarus in the prime of life, with two sisters left alone after his death.

      The Gospels give us a remarkable glimpse into God's response to untimely death.  Jesus has a soft spot for grieving persons.  Three times Jesus restores the dead to life.  Three times Christ is confronted with one who has died.  Three times Christ is so grief-stricken, so moved with compassion, so troubled, he does the unimaginable.  In the quiet, hidden way of God, he restores each one to life.

      The only son of the widow of Nain, a small town south of Nazareth.  She must have depended upon her son, being a widow.  Luke tells us, “As he approached the town gate, a dead person was being carried out-the only son of his mother, and she was a widow. And a large crowd from the town was with her.  When the Lord saw her, his heart went out to her and he said, “Don’t cry.”  (Luke 7:12-13)

      The young daughter of Jairus, the heartbroken ruler of the synagogue.  Only twelve years old.  Jesus defies all logic, insists the girl is not dead, only asleep, and brings her back to life.  Jesus restores her to her family.

      And Jesus' friend, Lazarus.  Jesus was greatly disturbed and deeply moved.  Jesus wept.  Lazarus was four days in the tomb, then miraculously released, unbound, alive.

      We know God does not will human suffering because in Jesus Christ we know God.  In Jesus we know God weeps, God is moved with compassion.  We know God whose words assure a mother, "Do not weep"; God who comforts a father, "Do not fear, only believe."  God who tells a sister, "We are going back to the tomb."

      The power of God is present with the widow's son, Jairus' daughter, and Lazarus.  The power of God is stronger than death.  God's power reaches beyond the grave.  It is power that arises out of the depth of God's love.  Power that thrives on faith and belief.  Power that is the undoing of death.  These accounts do not give us answers, but they assure us God is not on the side of death but on the side of life.

      When someone young dies, we want Christ to undo death.  We beg Christ to conquer death in the way we understand, in the way we would conquer death.  We demand that God do a miracle for us!  We pray for a miracle of flesh being restored to warmth, of a heart beating, of mortal wounds made whole.  In our grief, we cannot see the miracles that may already be acting in and through our loved one's death.  We forget that Jesus has already conquered death, not in our way, but in God's way.

      Jesus says to Martha:  "I am the resurrection and the life.  Those who believe in me, even though they die, will live, and everyone who lives and believes in me will never die.  Do you believe this?"  (John 11:25-26)

      Do you believe this? Do you?   Death moves us from our head to our heart and gut, just like it moved Jesus.  Our belief in the Resurrection is mostly a "head trip" until we lose someone dear to us, until we meet death on our own doorstep.  Then our beliefs are quickly tested.  Our beliefs move rapidly from head to heart to gut.  We anguish.  We question.  We rail against God.  We are moved to the very bowels of our being.  We cry out in disbelief.  We weep.  Like Jesus.

      And so we struggle. We stand close to one another.  We uphold each other in grief.  We grieve for all the things that never were, all the things that never will be.  We will hold that grief until the day we die. And yet. . .

      The gift of faith makes it possible for us not to be completely undone by grief.  God makes it possible for death NOT to have the final word in our lives.  Christ has made it possible for us to break free of the locked-in tomb, to let go of the narrow, human view of death.  To let loose of the idea that all we have is here and now.

      What freedom! Death cannot destroy our loved one, because Christ has conquered death.  Death cannot destroy us, because Christ has conquered death.  The gauze over our eyes unravels, and we see a glimpse of something more.

      Pulled by the love of God through others, we stumble out of the graves of our grief to walk into the bright sunlight.  We hold fast to God's promises to us and to those we have lost.  We refuse to allow the bonds of death to hold us.  Death bonds of misery, death bonds of worldly hope, death bonds which defy God's promises cannot entomb us in a grave of doubt and self-pity.

      The love of God in Jesus Christ makes it possible to go on after a young one dies.

      We can go on, because we know a God whose words assure us, if we are mothers: “Do not weep.”  We can go on, because we know a God who comforts us, if we are fathers, “Do not fear, only believe.”  We can look to the future, because a suffering God has walked through our past and stays with us in our present.  We believe in God who tells us, sisters and brothers, “Let me take you back to the tomb.  Let me show you a different way.”

      Make no mistake.  Death is awful.  Death is part of what is wrong in the world.  Death is not what God willed for creation.  Faith does not mean we will not grieve, and grieve mightily.  We will walk through the valley of the unimaginable.  We cannot escape it.  We cannot go around it.  But God, who is our peace, gives what we need---the strength to endure and the sure and certain knowledge he will wipe away every tear from our eyes.  There will be a day when death shall be no more, when mourning and crying nor pain will cease, when the former things will pass away.  Then we will all be released, unbound, set free.