"Speak Against Family Violence"

That afternoon Mary was busy with all the usual things that occupy a young mother: lunch, cleaning, naps, laundry. As the afternoon wore on, Mary kept glancing at the clock. She had planned dinner out carefully. He liked to have it ready the moment he walked in. If all went well, there wouldn't be any cutting remarks. Maybe tonight there wouldn't be another confrontation.

The doorbell rang, startling her. It was just Susan, dropping by. Their kids were about the same age. Susan and her family moved in last fall. They met on Halloween, while the kids were trick or treating. They hit it off; six months later they were fast friends. There wasn't much Mary couldn't tell Susan. Mary limped to catch the door before the bell woke up the kids. She had broken her toe a few weeks ago and was still in a walking cast.

"Mary! How's it going? I picked up a flat of peaches and I thought you might like some. They're amazing."

"Oh, gee, thanks. That's so nice of you. Quiet---the girls are napping. I am trying to get some extra stuff done before John gets home."

There wasn't much Mary couldn't tell her best friend Susan, except for one thing. Her husband beat her. She told Mary she'd dropped something on her toe a few weeks ago, but actually John had thrown her up against the wall. She'd fallen and broken her toe. This wasn't the first time, nor would it be the last.

They lived in a beautiful home in an upscale area. She and John both had college degrees. John earned such a good income that Mary didn't have to work outside the home. No one knew what went on behind closed doors. No one had a clue, not even her best friend.

Monday was Valentine's Day. I hope you let someone you love know you love them. All across the country we celebrated our Hallmark moments in ways big and small. In a 24 hour period on Monday in families in our country, something else was going on, too.

      5 children died from abuse or neglect

      5,760 women were beaten by partners

      3 women were murdered by partners

Nearly every single one of us knows someone who was or is the victim of family violence. You do not have to look far. When non-physical violence is included, the incidence skyrockets.

Family violence is not just a problem for the poor. Family violence is often hidden in educated, higher income families. No social or educational stratum is immune from it; it occurs in every kind of family with every kind of material advantage. Since stress compounds the problem, families that suffer a high degree of stress (medical, economic) are especially vulnerable.

The Bible is no stranger to family violence: Cain murders Abel, Joseph was left to die by his brothers, Delilah robs Samson of his power and sets him up for death, Jephthah kills his daughter. The Bible recognizes the evil of family violence, and also speaks to how we might respond to it.

The Bible condemns violence, both physical and verbal. "Thou shall not murder" comes to mind. Many passages in the Bible speak out against violence, and God's attitude toward those who repeatedly use verbal or physical violence.

We see it in the Psalms and Proverbs. "The LORD tests the righteous and the wicked, and the one who loves violence His soul hates." (Psalms 11:5) "The mouth of the righteous is a well of life, but violence covers the mouth of the wicked." (Proverbs 10:11)

We hear of it in the OT Prophets: “Thus says the LORD, "Do justice and righteousness, and deliver the one who has been robbed from the power of his oppressor Also do not mistreat or do violence to the stranger, the orphan, or the widow; and do not shed innocent blood in this place." Jeremiah 22:3

Jesus was against violence and even anger. In the passage we heard today, Jesus enlarges the demands of the Decalogue. He spoke out against anger and warned of the judgment that will come when someone is angry with 'his brother without cause' (Matthew 5:21-22). Surely Jesus would have spoken out against family members humiliating, hurting, or abusing one another.

If we follow the Biblical injunction, we must help victims and hold abusers accountable. The command, "Love one another" comes to mind first and foremost. "Love your neighbor as yourself." This rule of love covers a lot of human behavior, and Christ's command that we do this places us squarely in a position of responsibility toward our fellow humans.

The early epistles were letters to churches whose people struggled with all kinds of problems, including the problems of what to do for others who needed help. Galatians 6:2 says: "Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ."

Hebrews 13:3 addresses Christians' responsibility to those in prison, but also to those who are being mistreated: "Continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering."

We are told there is great reward in helping save others from sinful behavior. This is where the issue of holding abusers accountable may come in. "My brothers and sisters, if one of you should wander from the truth and someone should bring that person back, 20 remember this: Whoever turns a sinner from the error of their way will save them from death and cover over a multitude of sins." (James 5:19-20)

In the past, Biblical passages (particularly from Paul) have been misused to condone a husbands' right to control, discipline, and even beat his wife, under the auspices of his being "head of the household". This is an abuse of the sacred text. When we look at all of the passages in which the Bible specifically comments upon marital relationships, we find a command for mutuality and respect of both partners for each other. We must also understand that the Pauline texts are first century texts which inevitably reflect the patriarchy of the period. The fact that they call for any degree of mutuality is, in itself, remarkable and noteworthy.

When we can, we should act to stop family violence. Family violence is personal. It is also a justice issue. We live in a culture of violence. We silently condone violence by funding increasingly violent films, videogames, books, athletic events, and games. We consume violence; our tolerance for violence is high. We take it for granted that popular athletes may be violent or abusive; little is done to punish them. Politicians exhibit serious problems with anger control and we tolerate it.¹  In our personal dealings, we are afraid to speak against violence, we don't want to meddle; we feel it is someone's personal business so we deny it and do nothing.

Do we bear a responsibility beyond our own home? What would Jesus have us do?

What can we do?

1. Pray for victims, for perpetrators, and for programs to help people who have suffered family violence.
2. We can open our eyes to the problem of family violence.
3. We can socialize our children or grandchildren to be peaceful people who have the skills to manage disputes without resorting to violence. Support programs that help parents learn positive discipline.
4. We can show zero tolerance for violence in our own homes and in our workplace. Work to consume less violence and to question its power over us.
5. We should speak against family violence. Name it for what it is. There is great power in the naming.
6. When we become aware of someone in need, we can take action to help and protect them. We can ask for help and professional advice.²
7. Support efforts to educate families and the public about family violence.
8. Take action for the causes you feel God is calling you toward.

After my sermon last week I was challenged by someone who objected to my indirect references to activism. I appreciate the comments made, and I invite any of you here to call or email me at any time about any question or concern you may have. Your thoughts and reactions are important to me as your pastor.

These questions of justice are challenging and difficult for all of us, myself included. I, too, struggle with how to live in this culture of violence. I stand beside you, not above you in this. The work of justice---which can include activism---is part of the Christian mission. It is not something completely different.

Christians are supposed to object to things that are not right or fair or life-giving. Our faith is supposed to impact the way we live, the systems we take part in, and yes, even to change the way things are, if the way things are is unfaithful to God. Yes, this is very difficult. No, the work of justice is not for everyone. Each must examine one's own call and conscience, and discover where one's passion is. In this series we are touching on many different issues: hunger, violence, economics, and health. God may be calling one of you to respond to one of them. If so, it is my prayer you will hear and heed God's call. As we continue worship, I invite you to offer yourself to God, to consider God's call upon your life, and to respond with an open heart and min